He is worth it

“Is it safe?”

That’s one of the first questions most people ask me when I go on mission trips. And my usual response is, “Yes.” But lately, it’s a question that irks me the wrong way.

For the past six years, the Machava Center in Mozambique has been a huge part of my life. I was just 19 years old when I first stepped , and honestly I haven't left since. Each year I went, there was a new challenge every time, especially the past couple times I've gone. And each time, I felt and witnessed God in new ways that I hadn't experienced before. Prior to my trip this past summer, people came up and asked me, "Why do you keep going back to Mozambique?", "Are you going to live there soon?", and, my all-time favorite, "Isn't that where you were robbed ... is it safe?"

Living a missional life, whether you’re in the states or overseas, doesn't always look easy or safe. It requires a huge amount of time, sacrifice, and commitment. You invest everything you have in the ministry that God sets before. Following Jesus comes with a price. And although it’s a risk that we need to take, it’s a risk worth taking for the sake of His Kingdom.

We can’t predict what will happen to us. We can’t always trust to have an emergency plan whenever obstacles come our way. Because when we’re called to follow Jesus, we give ourselves to Him. All of it. We give up control of our own lives, and allow Him to take the reins and guide us in the direction He needs us to go. For most people, including myself at times, it’s a terrifying thought to relinquish all control, not knowing what the consequences are. How will I know if that’s where I’m supposed to be? Am I going to be safe? We start saying things like “I believe that God will protect us, BUT I still want to do this” or “God use me when I go to [insert country’s name], BUT I still be the same person here” to justify how we want to live our life. When we limit ourselves to only reaching out to the places we feel or think is safe, we limit God’s power to work in our lives and in the lives of those we come across. We consolidate Him into this box we created of who we think God is and what we think He is capable of.

This is what I continue to remind myself on a daily basis:

God is good, and He is worth it.

I can say that because of the trials I’ve gone through in my life … I can say that wholeheartedly knowing that there were times where I was in danger … Because this summer, I witnessed God’s sovereignty and felt His unconditional love pour over me. If the stories in the Bible don’t convince us that we serve an amazing God who is sovereign over EVERYTHING, than we’re missing the point; we then choose to live a life in fear of the unknown rather than praying to God asking Him how we can be better servants for His Kingdom.

The book of Acts has really challenged the way I’ve been living my life the past few years, specifically this past year of growth. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that as I am dealing with a lot of issues and questions in my life that my church is going through this series. To live a life knowing that there will be hardships as we draw near; to be a light in a world filled with darkness; to act in the same manner as the disciples showed us; and all that and more, knowing the repercussions that lie ahead (beating, robbery, death) — it’s faith that enables us to persevere through the troubles we face on a daily basis.

Reading about Paul’s ministry is such a great testimony. And what he wrote in his letter to the Church of Philippi is so true:

“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ — the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.” (Philippians 3:8–9, NIV)

Is He worth the risk? 

We gave over 60 beanies to the children, older kids, tias & tios, and even a couple of the vovos
who live at and near the center.

Some of the bravest brothers I've ever met. More shocks to them.

Zekka's laugh can easily bring a smile to your face.

My brother Feliciano preaching up a storm at Som Do Ceu.
Definitely a man of God. 

Olinda & Katia: These girls stole our hearts.

Pascoal was always good at making you laugh.

I've never heard or seen true examples of people following God's will than these two:
Jesse & Raquel

Praying with the kids at the school

Isabel & Cacilda:  Women who help out the missionaries in the center and take care of the children.

A family that never gave up hope when times were hard. God definitely has his hand over them.
(Eric, Cecilia, Jessezinho, Gigizinho, Felisberto)

Our last night with the kids ended in a water balloon/bucket/cup-throwing fight. 

Absolutely. 

1...2...3...

Three years ago, I married my best friend. 

Best decision I ever made.

Photo taken by Sam May

I'm so blessed to call him my husband. One of the first times I said "my husband" to his face, I cried ugly tears. Like legitimate ugly tears; pretty sure that's where the sob monster made her first appearance. My husband makes fun of me because I didn't even cry at our wedding; and yet I chose to weep when I called him my husband. 

This year has been an amazing year of growth for both of us. Looking back at the people we were then a year ago and who we are now, God has definitely played a huge role in our growth as a married couple. It's been a pretty eventful year for us. From scares to surprises, we continue to draw closer to God together. And it's been a ride. 

Photo taken by Miriã Braga

Sounds cheesy, but I love my hubs more than ever; I really do. As I mentioned in previous posts, God taught me a lot during my time in Mozambique this past summer. Learning to lead with my husband was a big step for us; and I'm thankful that we did it together. It wasn't always easy, but we had to trust where God was leading us. Where I was weak in areas, he was strong; and where he needed support, I was there by his side. There were times where we had to make sacrifices for our team, such as spending time apart. But even during those times, God drew us closer. Learning to be a married couple on the mission field allowed us to experience God's love in new ways (a post we will write soon). When you experience God's unconditional love firsthand, you learn to love others the way He does.

Happy 3 years love! Can't wait to go on more adventures with you. 

Photo taken by Maggie Carranza

mozambican feet

When I'm in Mozambique, I don't care what I look like. 

Messy, greasy hair. Little to no make-up. Legs and arms adorned with mosquito bites. Wearing the same clothes twice (or three times) in a row. Showering only every 3-4 days.

Yep. And my husband still loves me, including my not-so-glamorous moments :)

What most people, both my team members and the Mozambican people, notice about me when I'm there are my feet.

I call them Mozambican feet. I love the feeling of the center's sand in between my toes. If I could, I'd choose to walk around the center barefoot; even one time I walked all over the place with no flip flops for several hours (one of the girls was wearing mine). Most of the time, my feet are even dirtier than the kids there; that says a lot. 

I like who I am when I'm in Mozambique. Aside from not caring what I look like, I'm more carefree in the way I think, act, and say. And, more importantly, I get a little closer with God each day. I never have to worry about filtering how I present myself to other people; and I enjoy the freedom in that. It's a shame how I oftentimes return from my trips and, slowly but surely, return to the person I was. As much as I try not to, I go back to my natural habits: conscious of how I look before work, how I say things in front of new people, and how I carry myself in the public.

But when did all of those things ever matter? Who are we trying to impress? Our natural tendency is to think about how other people will perceive us. And most of our time is spent not only on our appearance, but knowing the right or "proper" words to say, or controlling how we act in a group setting. We have a desire to control everything in our life, so we try to control how people see us by basically becoming the person we think they want us to be. We waste time putting on this "false self," a made-up identity that deters us from who we are called to be. In reading Brennan Manning's Abba's child, I came across this quote which best summarizes how we ought to live:

"Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is an illusion."

When we know and accept that we are defined in Him, nothing else matters. So why should I care about wearing different masks to please people?

Here's something I've learned: When you're on a mission trip, you're called to step out of your comfort zone and be present with the person or people God places in front of you. If we get caught up with the distractions, the worries, and our own selfish needs, we miss the point and we miss out on the unique opportunities He gives us. 

I hope one day I can be the person who I was in Mozambique here in Orange County. Still working on it.

Sidenote: A little dirt don't hurt, right?

Hours after I walked around the center barefoot.
Amazing what baby wipes can do. 

back home to reality

I woke up today in my own bed, in my own room, in my own apartment ... I'm back in the OC.

About to fly home :(
Top (from left to right): Liz, Cecilia, Brian, Miria, Alex, Jesse, Edvaldo
Bottom: Korynn, Naomi, Maggie, Camille, me

We flew into LAX Friday afternoon. Exhausted, worn out, irritated, and, of course, sick, all I wanted to do was to stuff a burger in my face and shower (I didn't shower for 4 days #yolo.). Although I'm grateful for two days of much needed rest, I wish I could've taken this week off. 

Today is my third day back at work. It's been easier adjusting to my work schedule today than it was earlier this week. I don't know how I survived Monday, but I did. Monday was filled with three hours of answering emails, sharing stories about my trip with coworkers, sifting and reading through endless piles of edited articles, and drinking LOTS OF COFFEE. 

It's hard being present when my mind and heart is somewhere else. Like past mission trips, the "coming back home" portion is the hardest. Learning how to transition back to reality after experiencing a life-changing moment in your life is not easy; for the most part, you're never the same person before you left. But this time around, my "coming back home" process has been different. And I don't know why. Lately I've been blaming it on my jet lag and sickness. But deep down, I know something is off. 

Am I over thinking everything [Maybe I'm use to it since it's my fourth time. It was a shorter trip.]? Possibly. Or is God working in me differently this time? Maybe.

All I know is this: We serve an amazing God, and He exceeded all of my expectations.

Maybe once I catch up on my journaling from my trip, I'll be able to process more. 

More stories to come.  

Our last Sunday service (for now).
Nos filhas, Olinda e Sheila.

mozambique adventures

A little taste of our time here ...

portuguese e muito bom.

Six years ago, I fell in love with the language, Portuguese. Portuguese is one of my favorite languages to speak (kinda) and listen to. If you ever watched the movie, Rio, then you know what I’m talking about.

Bom dia.
Bom dia.
Tudo bem?
Si. Gracas a Deus.

Whenever I hear people speak Portuguese back home in the states, I always think of Mozambique. It was the first place I’ve ever heard anyone speak the language; who would’ve thought that a country in Africa could speak Portuguese?

When we arrived last Wednesday, one of the first times I had to speak Portuguese (since my last visit) was during customs. Each of us took two bags filled with our personal items, supplies for ministry, and donations; we had 16 huge bags total. Because of past experiences through this process, we were pulled aside once again so that the airport personnel could look through our bags.
         I went first. The guy who checked my bags was not the nicest personnel there; with my luck, I had the guy that was the most stubborn of them all. At first, I couldn’t understand what he said in Portuguese. Often times, the Mozambican people say their sentences really fast that it almost sounds like they’re slurring. So after saying a lot of “Que dice?” and “Eu nao entendo,” he proceeded to open my bag. With my best Portuguese (or at least the ones I could remember), I tried my best to explain the items in my bag. Bag after bag, it was the same. He questioned what he saw; and I, who was scared, confused, and exhausted, responded in the best way that I could, which I didn’t even know what I was saying sometimes.

When one of the missionaries, Jesse, came in, the first thing I said to him was “Vovo,” which means grandpa (an inside joke we had the last time I was here). Although, to some people, it may not be the ideal thing to say to someone face to face after a long period of time, it was comforting to speak the little bit of Portuguese that I knew to someone that I knew really well and knew I wouldn’t feel timid around.

Since arriving here last week, my Portuguese flows so much better and with a lot of ease. I may not always speak it perfectly, but it has allowed me to make new and keep existing friendships over. Since last week, I’ve been able to reconnect with old friends, learning about what they’ve been up, hearing their hopes and dreams, and sharing some of my stories with them. And I’ve also been able to develop new friends, young and old, through day-to-day conversations.

Singing and listening to worship songs in their language is one of my favorite things here. It’s such a beautiful thing to witness, how beautifully the words intertwine with the music playing in the background. Most of the songs they sing here, I sing back home; so to hear them in a different language, especially ones that I’m familiar with, is such an incredible experience. I enjoy listening to the voices harmonize and observing how passionate people are in worship.

 I’m falling in love with the language all over again.

seven more days

I love Skype. I can connect with friends and family all over the world through a computer screen. Such a crazy concept. We had a couple of minutes yesterday to chat with the missionaries in Machava; it didn't hit me until then how much I missed them, their uncanny sense of humor, and, most of all, their joyful spirits.

The Bragas and Marcolinos are perfect examples of people living out the Gospel. Four years ago, I had the opportunity to spend my summer with them. Not only was it an amazing experience, but it also opened my eyes to the daily struggles for these missionaries. Not knowing when money comes in. Threats from the community. Robberies. Exhaustion.  I even experienced some struggles on my end, and I was there for 10 weeks! At the end of the trip, one of the main things I learned was how real spiritual warfare is.

And as we're closing in on our trip, it's becoming more real to us how real and powerful spiritual warfare can be. Lies. Deceit. Inadequacy. Fear. It hasn't been the easiest road for us. But we're faithful that God has us here for a reason, and that reason is more than enough to return back to Mozambique.

Paul talks in Acts how "we must go through many hardships to enter the Kingdom of God" (Acts 14:22). Over the course of our journey, we've experienced many, many struggles in planning for this trip. Issues with logistics, not having things go as planned, and even personal attacks. Obviously the enemy doesn't like what we're doing, so he's doing his best to distract us from God's mission. By instilling deceitful thoughts, he tries to rob God's joy from us. No one said following Jesus was safe (ask Mr. Beaver).
         Yesterday, however, after talking to the missionaries for just a couple of minutes, it made me realize that entering the Kingdom of God is doable for anyone. It requires faith, prayer, and support from your community. I was reminded of my time with them four years ago ... seeing the fruits of their labor, investing into their community, hearing stories of God's faithfulness. I remember specifically at the end of their day, I would sit around with them, eat some pao, and enjoy conversations with one another. Despite of their circumstances, they were still able to find joy in what they do. Because they were doing God's work.

To see and hear that once again on Skype was enough for me to know that this where God has us.

A year ago from today, I wrote a note in my journal for Brian to read during church service. "I want to go on a mission trip." I don't remember what triggered that thought; apparently it was important enough to distract my husband from listening to the sermon. But it was the first time in a long time we've felt the urge to go somewhere and serve others. And now a year later, here we are continuing to follow God in every step of the way. Yes there are bumps, battles, and bruises. But there are joys as well. Following Jesus comes with a price. And He's worth it.







Seven more days.