transition

Sometimes I find myself in a writing block ... one too many times. It's a common obstacle for writers, a bit too common for me these past several months. With new transitions in my life, I found it very overwhelming (and very distracting) to force myself to write a decent blog. 

Until now.

A little recap: 

I left a job I became very comfortable with for four years. It provided security, consistency, and gave me a lot of pride. For two years I was an editor for several magazine titles, and for my age I felt pretty good about myself. But amidst the glamor self-worth that came with the job, I knew in my heart that this wasn't permanent ... I couldn't see myself being here forever.

 

When the opportunity to work at Vanguard arose, I took it in a heartbeat. Being back at a school I had grown to love was exciting. Change was needed in my life, and I knew God was preparing me for this moment. 

Now:

It hasn't been the easiest transition. Going from a job I know really well to a job I'm learning bits and pieces every day has been tough. Working and adapting to a new team has had its obstacles. It has been a season of growth. I've been challenged internally and externally, more so than I thought I would when entering into this new role. And although it's been a rough transition, I know God is working in me.

I'm excited (and scared) for this new season in my life. I know that this is where I'm suppose to be. Where God wants me to be. 

something new

New job, new season. 

To be continued ...

pure joy

“The Kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.” -Matthew 13:44

As many people would question, Why did the man sell EVERYTHING he had for this hidden treasure? The answer is simple: The Kingdom is worth everything. As it is said in this parable, the kingdom is a treasure — much more costly than the wealth and status that we desire here on earth. The kingdom of God will cost you everything. You hear that? Everything. Like Paul talks about in Philippians:

“But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ.” -Philippians 3:7-8

We know that the kingdom of God is available to us by grace through faith; however, it also involves us to reorient our lives to Jesus, to be fully transformed into the life we are called to live. We sometimes feel jaded to this concept and find ourselves immersed by the immediate materialism the world offers to us. Sometimes we think we can have both: a life called to Jesus and a life living up to the world’s standards. But God calls us out for something so much greater, so much more than what our world can give us. The Kingdom may not be apparent to everyone unless they have the eyes to see and the ears to hear.

And in the verse, it said that “in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.” There was joy in discovering this treasure…pure, genuine joy. The joy felt in the man’s heart after finding this hidden treasure is the same reaction we need to have as well. Have we become too careless about what this means to us? We have become too content that we don’t realize there is so much more work to be done in furthering God’s kingdom.

As Bill stated in his message, “When Jesus talks about the kingdom, He becomes passionate.” Shouldn’t we also share the same passion that Jesus had? Shouldn’t we also share the same joy like the man in the field?

weekend adventure: hidden oaks

When God brings two people together and transforms them into one, it is an amazing thing to witness. This was the case for these two, Sarah & Denny. I've recently gotten to know more of them as a couple over the course of a few months, and their love for Jesus, love for one another, and love for Africa illuminates the room. 

Brian & I had the amazing opportunity to watch these two get married in front of their families and friends. It was such a beautiful, African-themed wedding. They even had a few singers and musicians from Kenya (friends of Sarah) play a couple of songs before the ceremony started ... it was like we were back in Africa all over again! 

Congrats Sarah & Denny :)

"we've come full circle"

In 2010 I graduated with these girls. Has it been four years already? 

Then

We began our college journey back in 2006. We met in the smallest room on campus: our Freshmen dorm. It was in this place that we shared our stories, laughed for hours, cried on each other's shoulders, gossiped about boys, pulled all-nighters, ate the most unhealthiest (but oh-so delicious!) food, and watched endless hours of Friends. It was good times, the best times ... so much so that we did it all over again ... for three more years.

College would not have been the same without them. 

Now

words of life

For us Christians, Easter is a day we remember Jesus dying on the cross — dying for our sins — and coming back to life, allowing us to become a new creation. It is a day we celebrate as we recognize and proclaim freedom we have through Christ, that we are no longer held captives by sin. Many times on this day, we are reminded of His unconditional love, or for others it’s the beginning of a new life. And although it’s a day worth commemorating, we know that it doesn’t end the moment we leave church. The question we should be asking ourselves then is “What now?”

As we enter into this new series titled “Words of Life,” we dive into the teachings of Jesus, to understand who He is. Josh posed the question to all of us on Sunday: “Who is Jesus?” And the answer? The greatest man who ever lived, and so much more. As Christians, our ultimate goal is to follow Jesus, to learn from Jesus how to live. Following Jesus is living out our lives as the way we should be, the way that God intended us to live in in Genesis.

Right after Jesus performed the miracle of the bread and fish, the disciples rushed after him seeking more bread. As Jesus reminded them that they need to work for “food that endure to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you ” (John 6:27), the disciples ask how. And Jesus answered, “To believe in the one he has sent” (John 6: 29), to which they basically tell Jesus to prove that He is the one sent.

They missed the point that eternal life is Christ’s gift and were thinking in terms of achieving it by pious works.  Like them, we, too, can completely miss the point, focusing only on the miracles of Jesus instead of the life He lead, in which we ultimately need to live as well. We also need “to believe in the one he has sent.”

The disciples needed a sign that Jesus was indeed the Son of God. They still wanted to be fed by the bread Jesus had given them earlier, not realizing the truth of what Jesus was telling them. How often do we find ourselves in this same position as the disciples? We desire to know more about Jesus, yet we often ask (or continue to ask) the wrong questions instead of the looking at the answer in front of us.

“Then Jesus declared, ‘I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.’” (John 6: 35)

Jesus always has more to give. It is up to us if we want to receive it. Eternal life is not something to be achieved by works; instead it is given to us by faith in Christ. Believing in Jesus is the essential work God calls for — the one the leads to eternal life.

As we enter this new series for the next four and a half months, let’s be reminded of who Jesus truly was and how we need to live out our lives. No one ever said following Jesus is going to be easy, but it’s worth it and worth it to Him. We tend to get caught up with the holidays in which we are reminded of Jesus, but then it stops there. Instead, allow this series to point yourself toward Jesus and press into Him.

a friday fave

This has become one of my favorite shirts to wear:

I gave him a makeover.

Yes, it may be weird wearing a shirt with a man's face on it, particularly one that is not your husband's. I bought this shirt at An Easter Together where many Christian artists came together and sang worship songs. It's an amazing concert, one that I make sure to attend every year. Tim Timmons was one of the artists, and his testimony is heart breaking, yet uplifting. His giftings as a worship pastor and an all-amazing man of God are evident in his life, and it's always a blessing to hear up there sharing God's word and praising Him.

a moz reunion

This coming July will mark a year since Brian & I stepped in faith as leaders for this group. Mozambique continues to be a huge blessing in our lives, and we are so happy these these girls think so too. Every time we've gone to this place, we are changed for the better. Seeing how these girls have grown just even this past year has encouraged us to know that we serve an amazing God and He continues to work in our lives after Mozambique.

Truthfully, this trip has been the hardest that Brian & I ever faced. And there were times even coming home from the trip that we wrestled with bitterness and burdens in our heart. However, these girls continue to remind us of the journey we took almost a year ago, and how God continues to move us in ways that draw us near to Him.

We're so blessed to have led this team of prayer warriors and that they continue to play an important part in our lives.

Sometimes when I laugh, I fall down.

Our Liz/Awkward face

if you're OCD and you know it, wash your hands

source

Best pin I've found on Pinterest in a long time.

I wasn't always like this however. Granted there were bits of OCD displaying in my early childhood (I think being Asian has aided it a lot).

Probably one of my first traces of OCD was back in my senior year of college. While most seniors kick it back their last year of college, taking the most minimal and easiest classes, I was the total opposite. I was an RA, involved in too many activities &  ministries, and tried to manage a social life. I had homework, tests, and loads of paper to write (perks of being a communication studies major). Oh, and I was also engaged on top of everything else. Sometimes looking back, I think to myself, "How on God's green earth did I do it all?"

When I was engaged halfway my senior year, I didn't have room to write in important dates such as dress fitting and venue shopping. So I bought another planner specifically for all my bridal needs. Within those bridal needs, I created lists in bullet form. For example, I had a list for Wedding Ceremony where it was broken up in various times including when and which songs were to be played, what order everyone came out, when the pastor would speak, etc. And within those bullet points, I write very detailed step-by-step instructions of how I wanted things done ... white petals on the walkway, communion sacraments on a white tablecloth rectangle table, bridesmaids hold their flowers in front while the groomsmen crossed their arms behind them. So created this format for everything (reception, pre-ceremony, food, venue set up). And I printed them out, staple in sections, and added them to my clipboard. Yes, I had a clipboard. And on the day of my rehearsal dinner, everyone that had a job to do received a copy of my notes.

Obsessive? I know.

And naturally, my need to organize every single detail transferred into my married life. Between the two of us, I have a better handle in writing in every detail in my planner, remembering to pay the bills, making sure everything is clean (or at least I try), and going through every possible list in my head before we head out of the door.

Sometimes the thoughts that constantly swarm in my head can be a bit overwhelming. I'm pretty sure several of my headaches stem from my constant to-do lists that run 24/7. And often times my need to have control interferes with my relationship with God. It's something I've struggled with in the past few years. As much as I have this uncontrollable desire to have everything perfect and go perfect in my life, there are some things that I can't always control and make perfect. My job. Relationships. Family. Money...you name it. 

Although it is a tough lesson to learn and that I'm continuously learning about myself, it is always something I continue to give to God on a daily basis. It's lesson I'm learning since the beginning of this year, and it's a lesson that continues to kick me in the butt. God is sovereign over everything, and yes...it absolutely includes my life. Every time I plan every single detail in my small planner, God continues to surprise me, to remove me from planning about the future and focus in the present, focus on Him.

the lenten season

Easter is just less than a few days away, and I can't help but think of the past several weeks walking through this Lenten season alongside my husband. Every year my husband and I participate in Lent, and it usually involves us sacrificing something ... usually involving food. Although Lent is seen as primarily a Catholic practice, we wanted to 1) prepare our hearts for the upcoming Easter (I feel at times, as Christians, we don't set aside time to truly observe the weeks prior to Easter) and 2) grow closer in our relationship with God. 

We wanted to the Daniel Fast for this Lenten season. Personally, as someone who absolutely loves food of all kind (and secretly wished to have gone to culinary school), I knew this would be a hard discipline for me to step into. For the most part, we disciplined ourselves to only eating what was appropriate for the Daniel Fast, which meant saying, "Bye!" to Taco Tuesdays, snacking on sweets during our work hours, and all you can eat BBQ. But I wanted to do something 

To be honest, it hasn't been the easiest for us. There were moments where the enemy so cunningly whispered lies into our ears. There are times when our flesh wants to take control over our circumstances. And there were days that were more difficult that others. But knowing that this is a time where we need to refocus our relationship with God, we've continued to pray for God's guidance throughout this season.

This verse continues to pop in my mind as I face each day's challenges:

“My flesh and my heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:26).

There's no question: We need God. And not just during times where we are stuck in the valleys, desperately wanting to go back up on the mountaintops. We need to depend on God to work in our lives. Every day, there are a new set of responsibilities and challenges, and how often do we rely on our strength instead of leaning onto God for all understanding? In today's world, much strength is needed day by day, and we can't do it alone. Throughout the Psalms we see this man David, who desperately longs for the Father ... who realizes and accepts that he cannot do it alone, and he cries out to Him. 

I find that during this Lenten season, it's difficult for me to cry out to God in the same manner as David did. And I can name a number of reasons why (pride, fear, embarrassed, etc.). But I need to remind myself that those reasons are just excuses. All things are possible with God. You hear this too often because it is the truth. It’s important to exercise faith in God’s Word, and believe in His Word.

He is our strength. 

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise Him." (Psalm 28:7)

see us as we are

There is meaning behind every story written in the Bible — a meaning that goes beyond just who God is, who is He talking to, and how the person (people) responds to Him. The story of God is a beautiful story, one that we can dive into and learn how God wants us to live in this world. It is also a complex story, one that challenges us to read beyond the words and to listen … and allow the Spirit to speak the story to us the way it needs to be told.

I think that many of us view the Bible in a similar lens: As we read Scripture, we tend to hurry to the meaning behind it.“Jesus, what do you mean to me?” is often a question that runs through our minds as we read verse after verse. And even though we may feel at times that we’ve reached what the meaning behind the passage, we can miss out on the whole story. As Josh stated in the beginning of the sermon, we read passages in the Bible with the intent of finding how it relates to us. And although it is not wrong for us to have that in the fore front of our minds, we also need to understand what the passage means in context, to understand the purpose of why it is written.

The story of the Samaritan woman isn’t only a story thrown into the New Testament to narrate  Jesus’ encounter with her. Her story is of relevance. Instead of reading about a woman who has been wrongfully labeled and judged by society, we see her as a woman Jesus took time teach and love. What began as a story of woman who walked a very long time to the well outside of her city to draw water, turned into her receiving the living water, as Jesus explains here:

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” -John 4:13-14

Throughout Jesus’ conversation with the Samaritan woman, He breaks many societal barriers with her. He continues to prod into her life because, without her knowing it, He’s leading her towards salvation.  Although the Samaritan woman didn’t know it at the time, her questioning of His identity and why He chose to speak to her at that time allows her to become more vulnerable to Him.

“Woman” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshippers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshippers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshippers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you — I am he.” -John 4:21-25

(A better translation of the last verse in this story: I am the one who is speaking to you.)

What does it mean to worship in spirit and truth? It means to see Him standing in front of us. When we allow our hearts to be transformed by encountering the revelation of God, we are able to fully surrender ourselves to Him and truly worship Him.

How often do we find ourselves in a similar situation as the Samaritan woman?

Jesus saw her as she was. Shouldn’t we allow Him to do the same for us? We all have shame, guilt, worries, doubts, confusion, and among other things that we carry on a day-to-day basis. But God sees us through our sin, and see us as we are.

bless the Lord, oh my soul!

Growing up in a very conservative church for over 13 years, my understanding of worship was singing several hymns in a Sunday service. It wasn’t until I came to ROCKHARBOR that I saw worship in a whole different way. Loud music. Hands clapping. Arms raised. Joyful singing. And so much more. It was different—way different—from anything I had seen and experienced growing up; however, there was something so intimate about how the people were singing. They weren’t just reading words on a screen; they were singing to God. It was beautiful, and I wanted to be a part of it.

So when worship pastor Keri Fox shared her first experience worshipping God, I was glad that I wasn’t the only one that shared a similar experience.

This weekend’s sermon was about why we worship. It sounds silly to think as Christians we should be asking ourselves that question; but if we really are honest with ourselves and really want to grow intimately in our relationship with God, than I believe this is a question we need to ask ourselves to keep us in check with where our hearts lie when we worship Him. Initially I thought worship was just singing songs at a church; however, worship goes beyond the words I sing in a building; it is a lifestyle, a calling … something we were born to do.

Keri shared these verses, which fit appropriately to this series:

“Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” -Psalm 100:1-5

We have a strong invitation to worship God because it is His will that we should serve Him, devote ourselves to His service, and employ ourselves in it.  We do not only serve Him in everything we do, but we also come before His presence in the opportunities He appoints us. God gives us joy. We rejoice in Him. And we always give Him thanks. It’s not about how good we sing, but remembering why we sing.

How often do we place ourselves in a posture of asking God to fix our silly problems? That instead of thanking Him for everything—for the air we breathe, for good health, for loving us, etc.—we run through our list of frustrations and “concerns”? The beginning of the passage begins with “Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.” It doesn’t say, “Shout your frustrations to the Lord.” He is God and He is good. Because we acknowledge that He is the one who created us, we owe ourselves to Him by thanking Him.

God desires us to draw near to Him. As Keri said, when we worship we sing to someone. We’re being heard by Him; it’s the way we talk to Him. God delights in our praises. He doesn’t need anything from us, yet He allows us to praise Him. How crazy is that?

Sometimes it’s good to ask yourself this question: Why do I worship God? It’s easy for us to know what worship is and how we need to worship. And we become content with that. But we oftentimes overlook the why, which is just as important, and perhaps even more. When we begin our day thanking Him, that kind of attitude and posture will dictate how the rest of our day will look like. And God, because He is God and is so good, will take care us.

wherever He calls me ...

Photos Creds: Johanna Love

I recently had a conversation with a friend about our current jobs. We both had graduated from college a few years ago, and both have struggled with where God has taken us since. You see, in college, we both had this fantasy of becoming missionaries; whether it was in Latin America, Africa, or wherever, we had this ideal life of where we would be once we left our alma mater. Sadly enough, reality slapped both of us really hard in the faces, and we had to find jobs that would help pay for our endless amount of school loans, gas money, and food on the table.

For so long, I struggled with this ideal lifestyle, of becoming a missionary overseas and really living out the Gospel there, that I ignored what He was doing in my life presently. I use to tell people, “Oh ya, He’s just preparing me right now during this season. And then I’ll live overseas in His own timing.” But over the years, I began to wonder, “Is my plan even His plan?”

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19: 21)

Have I been caught up with my own devised reality that I’ve sadly neglected the reality that God has set before me? Yes. And I feel we all tend to do this as well. I believe God instills in each of us a set of passions and desires that come from Him; and although they are all good, we tend to get lost in them rather than be fully present in what God is working in our lives currently.

For me, I struggled with this. Still struggle with this. Not being fully content of where I am, and always searching for escape from my reality to achieve a faux reality in which everything is what it should be. At least, what I think is what it should be. And because of this tension between the two realities that cannot coexist with each other, I’m constantly caught in limbo. That feeling where your heart is beating uncontrollably fast and your mind is filled with limitless thoughts that you convince yourself that you just might explode; yep, this happens quite too often for me.

As cheesy and cliché as it may sound, I am a missionary … now; and whether I’m in Costa Mesa or overseas, I continue to be a missionary … that never ceases. Every day is an opportunity; and if I don’t take that opportunity, it is wasted. I mean, if I can’t even live out the Gospel here at a place I call my home, how do I expect to do the same in a different country?

I have the opportunity to minister to my coworkers, the people I see more often than my friends. And to be honest, I tend to turn my back on them and treat them as just people I don’t need to spend my time with. I’d convince myself that “they’re just my coworkers.”  Over the past few years, I’ve had the most amazing, most honest, and difficult conversations with my coworkers, all of which I had the opportunity to share my heart and sharing God’s word. A coworker, now friend, shared with me how her and her husband prayed for the first time together and God revealed Himself to them for the first time.

When I had the opportunity to lead a team to Mozambique this past summer, my coworkers donated their money and art supplies because they wanted to help but never had an opportunity to do so before. We talk about miracles as if they only happened in the Bible or when we hear stories from people coming back from their mission trips. But these are the miracles I was able to witness because I chose to follow God’s heart, and His heart lead me to these people over the years.

Maybe it’s time for each us to do the same … to start listening and seeing what God is doing in our lives.

And who knows? Maybe becoming an overseas missionary is still in the works. Or maybe I’m called to be a missionary here, my home. Wherever He calls me to, I will follow Him.

set free

Confession: I can be a very judgmental person. My human nature is to seek justice only through my own eyes. I’ve become so comfortable in knowing that and, for the most part, I’ve allowed my actions dictate that poor attitude. But in the end, it’s God’s will be done, not ours. And we must live out the life He calls us too — whether we want to or not.

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual , sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.  (Romans 7: 14–15)

Although our human nature tells us to think this way, our true self, the self that God intends us to become, desires to be closer to God, to grow intimately with Him, and to seek out the desires of His heart. Easier said than done, don’t you think? But it’s the nature of the situation when we’re called to be the light of this word. To be a light we are called to live differently among our peers, not as a division of us being better than anyone else, but to call out our brothers and sisters out of darkness and into a life worth living. Because of the Holy Spirit, we receive/experience such beautiful love and grace from God. And we are also called to show the same love and grace that we received from Him to others.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh by according to the Spirit. (Romans 8: 1–4)

We are free in Christ … it doesn’t get any better than that! We need to be realistic about ourselves before we understand God; this was perfectly said by guest speaker Kathleen Doyle. To know the true heart of God, we must look at ourselves. We must focus inwardly in order to understand and perform outwardly. God knows we are broken, so He comes after us; it is how God deals with our lost nature. And though we are imperfect, we must welcome Him in our lives with open arms as He has done with us.

The Holy Spirit searches for us, intercedes for us, and He advocates for us. The Holy Spirit brings us life and sets us free. When I confess, I will be received by love and grace. It’s hard for us to grasp as human beings. We think in terms of us when we refer to how God sees the world. But he’s not like us, and we must see the world, the world He created, through His eyes. The love of God is beyond our comprehension.

He is worth it

“Is it safe?”

That’s one of the first questions most people ask me when I go on mission trips. And my usual response is, “Yes.” But lately, it’s a question that irks me the wrong way.

For the past six years, the Machava Center in Mozambique has been a huge part of my life. I was just 19 years old when I first stepped , and honestly I haven't left since. Each year I went, there was a new challenge every time, especially the past couple times I've gone. And each time, I felt and witnessed God in new ways that I hadn't experienced before. Prior to my trip this past summer, people came up and asked me, "Why do you keep going back to Mozambique?", "Are you going to live there soon?", and, my all-time favorite, "Isn't that where you were robbed ... is it safe?"

Living a missional life, whether you’re in the states or overseas, doesn't always look easy or safe. It requires a huge amount of time, sacrifice, and commitment. You invest everything you have in the ministry that God sets before. Following Jesus comes with a price. And although it’s a risk that we need to take, it’s a risk worth taking for the sake of His Kingdom.

We can’t predict what will happen to us. We can’t always trust to have an emergency plan whenever obstacles come our way. Because when we’re called to follow Jesus, we give ourselves to Him. All of it. We give up control of our own lives, and allow Him to take the reins and guide us in the direction He needs us to go. For most people, including myself at times, it’s a terrifying thought to relinquish all control, not knowing what the consequences are. How will I know if that’s where I’m supposed to be? Am I going to be safe? We start saying things like “I believe that God will protect us, BUT I still want to do this” or “God use me when I go to [insert country’s name], BUT I still be the same person here” to justify how we want to live our life. When we limit ourselves to only reaching out to the places we feel or think is safe, we limit God’s power to work in our lives and in the lives of those we come across. We consolidate Him into this box we created of who we think God is and what we think He is capable of.

This is what I continue to remind myself on a daily basis:

God is good, and He is worth it.

I can say that because of the trials I’ve gone through in my life … I can say that wholeheartedly knowing that there were times where I was in danger … Because this summer, I witnessed God’s sovereignty and felt His unconditional love pour over me. If the stories in the Bible don’t convince us that we serve an amazing God who is sovereign over EVERYTHING, than we’re missing the point; we then choose to live a life in fear of the unknown rather than praying to God asking Him how we can be better servants for His Kingdom.

The book of Acts has really challenged the way I’ve been living my life the past few years, specifically this past year of growth. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that as I am dealing with a lot of issues and questions in my life that my church is going through this series. To live a life knowing that there will be hardships as we draw near; to be a light in a world filled with darkness; to act in the same manner as the disciples showed us; and all that and more, knowing the repercussions that lie ahead (beating, robbery, death) — it’s faith that enables us to persevere through the troubles we face on a daily basis.

Reading about Paul’s ministry is such a great testimony. And what he wrote in his letter to the Church of Philippi is so true:

“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ — the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.” (Philippians 3:8–9, NIV)

Is He worth the risk? 

We gave over 60 beanies to the children, older kids, tias & tios, and even a couple of the vovos
who live at and near the center.

Some of the bravest brothers I've ever met. More shocks to them.

Zekka's laugh can easily bring a smile to your face.

My brother Feliciano preaching up a storm at Som Do Ceu.
Definitely a man of God. 

Olinda & Katia: These girls stole our hearts.

Pascoal was always good at making you laugh.

I've never heard or seen true examples of people following God's will than these two:
Jesse & Raquel

Praying with the kids at the school

Isabel & Cacilda:  Women who help out the missionaries in the center and take care of the children.

A family that never gave up hope when times were hard. God definitely has his hand over them.
(Eric, Cecilia, Jessezinho, Gigizinho, Felisberto)

Our last night with the kids ended in a water balloon/bucket/cup-throwing fight. 

Absolutely. 

1...2...3...

Three years ago, I married my best friend. 

Best decision I ever made.

Photo taken by Sam May

I'm so blessed to call him my husband. One of the first times I said "my husband" to his face, I cried ugly tears. Like legitimate ugly tears; pretty sure that's where the sob monster made her first appearance. My husband makes fun of me because I didn't even cry at our wedding; and yet I chose to weep when I called him my husband. 

This year has been an amazing year of growth for both of us. Looking back at the people we were then a year ago and who we are now, God has definitely played a huge role in our growth as a married couple. It's been a pretty eventful year for us. From scares to surprises, we continue to draw closer to God together. And it's been a ride. 

Photo taken by Miriã Braga

Sounds cheesy, but I love my hubs more than ever; I really do. As I mentioned in previous posts, God taught me a lot during my time in Mozambique this past summer. Learning to lead with my husband was a big step for us; and I'm thankful that we did it together. It wasn't always easy, but we had to trust where God was leading us. Where I was weak in areas, he was strong; and where he needed support, I was there by his side. There were times where we had to make sacrifices for our team, such as spending time apart. But even during those times, God drew us closer. Learning to be a married couple on the mission field allowed us to experience God's love in new ways (a post we will write soon). When you experience God's unconditional love firsthand, you learn to love others the way He does.

Happy 3 years love! Can't wait to go on more adventures with you. 

Photo taken by Maggie Carranza

mozambican feet

When I'm in Mozambique, I don't care what I look like. 

Messy, greasy hair. Little to no make-up. Legs and arms adorned with mosquito bites. Wearing the same clothes twice (or three times) in a row. Showering only every 3-4 days.

Yep. And my husband still loves me, including my not-so-glamorous moments :)

What most people, both my team members and the Mozambican people, notice about me when I'm there are my feet.

I call them Mozambican feet. I love the feeling of the center's sand in between my toes. If I could, I'd choose to walk around the center barefoot; even one time I walked all over the place with no flip flops for several hours (one of the girls was wearing mine). Most of the time, my feet are even dirtier than the kids there; that says a lot. 

I like who I am when I'm in Mozambique. Aside from not caring what I look like, I'm more carefree in the way I think, act, and say. And, more importantly, I get a little closer with God each day. I never have to worry about filtering how I present myself to other people; and I enjoy the freedom in that. It's a shame how I oftentimes return from my trips and, slowly but surely, return to the person I was. As much as I try not to, I go back to my natural habits: conscious of how I look before work, how I say things in front of new people, and how I carry myself in the public.

But when did all of those things ever matter? Who are we trying to impress? Our natural tendency is to think about how other people will perceive us. And most of our time is spent not only on our appearance, but knowing the right or "proper" words to say, or controlling how we act in a group setting. We have a desire to control everything in our life, so we try to control how people see us by basically becoming the person we think they want us to be. We waste time putting on this "false self," a made-up identity that deters us from who we are called to be. In reading Brennan Manning's Abba's child, I came across this quote which best summarizes how we ought to live:

"Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is an illusion."

When we know and accept that we are defined in Him, nothing else matters. So why should I care about wearing different masks to please people?

Here's something I've learned: When you're on a mission trip, you're called to step out of your comfort zone and be present with the person or people God places in front of you. If we get caught up with the distractions, the worries, and our own selfish needs, we miss the point and we miss out on the unique opportunities He gives us. 

I hope one day I can be the person who I was in Mozambique here in Orange County. Still working on it.

Sidenote: A little dirt don't hurt, right?

Hours after I walked around the center barefoot.
Amazing what baby wipes can do. 

back home to reality

I woke up today in my own bed, in my own room, in my own apartment ... I'm back in the OC.

About to fly home :(
Top (from left to right): Liz, Cecilia, Brian, Miria, Alex, Jesse, Edvaldo
Bottom: Korynn, Naomi, Maggie, Camille, me

We flew into LAX Friday afternoon. Exhausted, worn out, irritated, and, of course, sick, all I wanted to do was to stuff a burger in my face and shower (I didn't shower for 4 days #yolo.). Although I'm grateful for two days of much needed rest, I wish I could've taken this week off. 

Today is my third day back at work. It's been easier adjusting to my work schedule today than it was earlier this week. I don't know how I survived Monday, but I did. Monday was filled with three hours of answering emails, sharing stories about my trip with coworkers, sifting and reading through endless piles of edited articles, and drinking LOTS OF COFFEE. 

It's hard being present when my mind and heart is somewhere else. Like past mission trips, the "coming back home" portion is the hardest. Learning how to transition back to reality after experiencing a life-changing moment in your life is not easy; for the most part, you're never the same person before you left. But this time around, my "coming back home" process has been different. And I don't know why. Lately I've been blaming it on my jet lag and sickness. But deep down, I know something is off. 

Am I over thinking everything [Maybe I'm use to it since it's my fourth time. It was a shorter trip.]? Possibly. Or is God working in me differently this time? Maybe.

All I know is this: We serve an amazing God, and He exceeded all of my expectations.

Maybe once I catch up on my journaling from my trip, I'll be able to process more. 

More stories to come.  

Our last Sunday service (for now).
Nos filhas, Olinda e Sheila.

seven more days

I love Skype. I can connect with friends and family all over the world through a computer screen. Such a crazy concept. We had a couple of minutes yesterday to chat with the missionaries in Machava; it didn't hit me until then how much I missed them, their uncanny sense of humor, and, most of all, their joyful spirits.

The Bragas and Marcolinos are perfect examples of people living out the Gospel. Four years ago, I had the opportunity to spend my summer with them. Not only was it an amazing experience, but it also opened my eyes to the daily struggles for these missionaries. Not knowing when money comes in. Threats from the community. Robberies. Exhaustion.  I even experienced some struggles on my end, and I was there for 10 weeks! At the end of the trip, one of the main things I learned was how real spiritual warfare is.

And as we're closing in on our trip, it's becoming more real to us how real and powerful spiritual warfare can be. Lies. Deceit. Inadequacy. Fear. It hasn't been the easiest road for us. But we're faithful that God has us here for a reason, and that reason is more than enough to return back to Mozambique.

Paul talks in Acts how "we must go through many hardships to enter the Kingdom of God" (Acts 14:22). Over the course of our journey, we've experienced many, many struggles in planning for this trip. Issues with logistics, not having things go as planned, and even personal attacks. Obviously the enemy doesn't like what we're doing, so he's doing his best to distract us from God's mission. By instilling deceitful thoughts, he tries to rob God's joy from us. No one said following Jesus was safe (ask Mr. Beaver).
         Yesterday, however, after talking to the missionaries for just a couple of minutes, it made me realize that entering the Kingdom of God is doable for anyone. It requires faith, prayer, and support from your community. I was reminded of my time with them four years ago ... seeing the fruits of their labor, investing into their community, hearing stories of God's faithfulness. I remember specifically at the end of their day, I would sit around with them, eat some pao, and enjoy conversations with one another. Despite of their circumstances, they were still able to find joy in what they do. Because they were doing God's work.

To see and hear that once again on Skype was enough for me to know that this where God has us.

A year ago from today, I wrote a note in my journal for Brian to read during church service. "I want to go on a mission trip." I don't remember what triggered that thought; apparently it was important enough to distract my husband from listening to the sermon. But it was the first time in a long time we've felt the urge to go somewhere and serve others. And now a year later, here we are continuing to follow God in every step of the way. Yes there are bumps, battles, and bruises. But there are joys as well. Following Jesus comes with a price. And He's worth it.







Seven more days.

just an envelope

I had my first meltdown prior to my Mozambique trip.

I'm kinda embarrassed about it, especially sharing it on my blog. But I think it's important to share because it's not often I share this part of who I am, especially when it comes to preparing for my trip.

A month ago, I was driving towards Newport Beach with my husband. The thought of returning to our second home hadn't hit me yet. Yes, I was excited and happy to be returning, but the thought of physically being in Mozambique again hadn't hit me. And as I shared my thought to my husband, I said, "Usually I start crying right now. Either with too much emotion or stress. I usually cry around this time."

Usually.

It's almost 4 years since I've been to that beautiful place. Though it's been a while since I've gone on an overseas mission trip, some things don't change. Hours of preparation. Constant emails with the team and contacts overseas. Writing down lists and lists of needs. Losing sleep.

Yep. I knew that my meltdown was coming around the corner.

When it came, I felt like an idiot. We just came home driving from the IE celebrating Father's Day with our families. Exhausted, we still knew we had to do things for our trip. We didn't have the right size envelopes for our thank-you cards, so I volunteered to drive to Target to get it done that night. On my way there, I forgot to bring a card to use as an example; I called my husband, realizing that his phone might be dead. Every time I called him, it went straight to voice mail; my heart started beating fast. "I need to know the size so I can find the right envelope," I kept yelling in my car. And then there were the usual curse words that I threw in there, and blah blah.
      Finally at Target, still waiting for my husband to call me back, I looked through all the aisles that carried envelopes. I started piling them in my arms, like a crazy person. (Seriously, I was totally judged by the Target moms.) When my husband finally called me back, a sense of relief took over. Knowing the dimensions, I began to sift through my options until I realized none of these envelopes would suffice. Driving home disappointed (and leaving Target without buying anything), I felt like a complete failure. When I came home, I told my husband the tragic news; in turn he told me the info we wanted to write couldn't fit on the back of the photo. My heart started beating fast. "We need to get it done tonight," I kept telling myself. A sense of panic struck over. As my husband was trying to figure things out, thoughts were slowly poisoning my mind. Fear had crept in.

Still need to order crafts. Need to email Lynne for set safari times. Need to figure out shopping and packing the weekend before. Visas. Not enough with our budget. Still need to pay off stuff. You're not a good leader. Should've done it earlier. Your team is going to question you. 

"Are you OK?" he asked. Although the answer was, "I'm fine," it didn't hide the tears that were forming in my eyes. One look at my husband, and then the sob monster came out.

Why bother sharing this embarrassing story? Because these sort of things happen prior to preparing for any mission trip. As Christians, I feel we tend to fantasize the idea of missions and visualize how we want our trips to look like. Truth is: Things don't go your way. Never. You can be as prepared as you can be, but the realization of any mission trip is nothing can prepare you for the unexpected. Even the smallest, not-so-important details can set you off if it not done on your terms. Who knew that an envelop scavenger hunt would later result in sobbing helpless child?

If there's anything I'm continuing to learn throughout this entire 10-month process, it's this: God is in control. No matter what, no matter how much I try to control the little details, He is in control of everything. And until I release everything from my grasp and give it to Him, I'm stuck in a spiral of my own mess.

For the past couple of weeks of preparation, I compartmentalized a lot of my emotions about the trip. Stress. Fear. Anxiety. Nervousness. Uncertainty. All that and more was slowly building up to the point where I couldn't handle it. When I learned to let go these emotions, I felt a sense of peace. I felt like I could breathe again.

Who knew that a silly envelope would bring me back to reality...