from a bitter heart

So ... I took a break ... from writing.

Words didn't come out naturally. I was staring at a blank screen waiting for an "aha moment" to be born. 

Nope, still nothing.

At first I thought I stumbled upon another writing block. One of those I-will-keep-staring-at-my-computer-screen-until-an-idea-pops-up writing blocks. But then days turned into weeks which turned into a few months ...

There was a real reason why I neglected my blog: I was bitter. 

A couple of months after my trip from Mozambique, I was not in a good place spiritually. I held a lot of anger and resentment, a familiar feeling I get after returning from an emotionally challenging yet uplifting mission trip. As much as I was passionate about sharing my trip about Moz on here and in conversations, there was a part of me that wasn't happy, holding grudges toward certain people that didn't deserve it.

And because of my bitterness, I only wrote things that came out of my bitterness. Something I heard that rubbed me the wrong way, I wrote about it. A memory of something negative from my trip...wrote it. A thought that consumed me...yep, it was blogged. What I had hoped for my blog originally had now turned into a forum where I vented when I was upset. Of course, I tried to mask my bitter and angry words by turning it into a positive post; however, when I would reread it over and over again, I can hear the hurt behind the words.

So I stopped writing on here. And it was good.

Being away from blogging, I realized two things:

One, I really missed writing. As an editor majority of my time is spent editing articles or emailing artists. The only times I get to really write is in my editor's letter. And as I wrote in my letters, I wrote about things I was passionate about ... something I was missing when I blogged.

And two, I reevaluated what I wanted my blog to portray. By all means, I want to be as honest as I can; however, writing from my bitter heart only allowed me to fester into this whirlwind of frustration and anger. Instead of just vomiting words onto a page, I want to be intentional with the words I choose to express.

So I'm excited to get back to writing ... and I'm excited for this year as well. New season filled with adventures, growth, and never knowing what to expect ... all sounds good to me!