if you're OCD and you know it, wash your hands

source

Best pin I've found on Pinterest in a long time.

I wasn't always like this however. Granted there were bits of OCD displaying in my early childhood (I think being Asian has aided it a lot).

Probably one of my first traces of OCD was back in my senior year of college. While most seniors kick it back their last year of college, taking the most minimal and easiest classes, I was the total opposite. I was an RA, involved in too many activities &  ministries, and tried to manage a social life. I had homework, tests, and loads of paper to write (perks of being a communication studies major). Oh, and I was also engaged on top of everything else. Sometimes looking back, I think to myself, "How on God's green earth did I do it all?"

When I was engaged halfway my senior year, I didn't have room to write in important dates such as dress fitting and venue shopping. So I bought another planner specifically for all my bridal needs. Within those bridal needs, I created lists in bullet form. For example, I had a list for Wedding Ceremony where it was broken up in various times including when and which songs were to be played, what order everyone came out, when the pastor would speak, etc. And within those bullet points, I write very detailed step-by-step instructions of how I wanted things done ... white petals on the walkway, communion sacraments on a white tablecloth rectangle table, bridesmaids hold their flowers in front while the groomsmen crossed their arms behind them. So created this format for everything (reception, pre-ceremony, food, venue set up). And I printed them out, staple in sections, and added them to my clipboard. Yes, I had a clipboard. And on the day of my rehearsal dinner, everyone that had a job to do received a copy of my notes.

Obsessive? I know.

And naturally, my need to organize every single detail transferred into my married life. Between the two of us, I have a better handle in writing in every detail in my planner, remembering to pay the bills, making sure everything is clean (or at least I try), and going through every possible list in my head before we head out of the door.

Sometimes the thoughts that constantly swarm in my head can be a bit overwhelming. I'm pretty sure several of my headaches stem from my constant to-do lists that run 24/7. And often times my need to have control interferes with my relationship with God. It's something I've struggled with in the past few years. As much as I have this uncontrollable desire to have everything perfect and go perfect in my life, there are some things that I can't always control and make perfect. My job. Relationships. Family. Money...you name it. 

Although it is a tough lesson to learn and that I'm continuously learning about myself, it is always something I continue to give to God on a daily basis. It's lesson I'm learning since the beginning of this year, and it's a lesson that continues to kick me in the butt. God is sovereign over everything, and yes...it absolutely includes my life. Every time I plan every single detail in my small planner, God continues to surprise me, to remove me from planning about the future and focus in the present, focus on Him.