snip. ink. paste. repeat

I've been in kinda of a crafty mood lately.

I told myself this year to start being a bit more crafty. I began with card-marking because it seemed to be the easiest of the crafts. I'm still working on a few kinks here and there, but I really enjoyed making this one and a few other variations as well. 

And no, not preggo. 

A,B,C ... it's easy as 1,2,3

It's not every day that I have the privilege to write articles for work. This is one of the magazines I enjoy reading and writing for.

Here's my article ... enjoy!

thoughts on twenty six

I'm old. I'm getting there.

Well not really. I'm still in my twenties. Mid-twenties?

I'm excited about this year, more than last year. There's going to be changes. Big changes. Some changes that I don't even know yet, but I know God has some things up His sleeve. 

Stay tuned. 

from a bitter heart

So ... I took a break ... from writing.

Words didn't come out naturally. I was staring at a blank screen waiting for an "aha moment" to be born. 

Nope, still nothing.

At first I thought I stumbled upon another writing block. One of those I-will-keep-staring-at-my-computer-screen-until-an-idea-pops-up writing blocks. But then days turned into weeks which turned into a few months ...

There was a real reason why I neglected my blog: I was bitter. 

A couple of months after my trip from Mozambique, I was not in a good place spiritually. I held a lot of anger and resentment, a familiar feeling I get after returning from an emotionally challenging yet uplifting mission trip. As much as I was passionate about sharing my trip about Moz on here and in conversations, there was a part of me that wasn't happy, holding grudges toward certain people that didn't deserve it.

And because of my bitterness, I only wrote things that came out of my bitterness. Something I heard that rubbed me the wrong way, I wrote about it. A memory of something negative from my trip...wrote it. A thought that consumed me...yep, it was blogged. What I had hoped for my blog originally had now turned into a forum where I vented when I was upset. Of course, I tried to mask my bitter and angry words by turning it into a positive post; however, when I would reread it over and over again, I can hear the hurt behind the words.

So I stopped writing on here. And it was good.

Being away from blogging, I realized two things:

One, I really missed writing. As an editor majority of my time is spent editing articles or emailing artists. The only times I get to really write is in my editor's letter. And as I wrote in my letters, I wrote about things I was passionate about ... something I was missing when I blogged.

And two, I reevaluated what I wanted my blog to portray. By all means, I want to be as honest as I can; however, writing from my bitter heart only allowed me to fester into this whirlwind of frustration and anger. Instead of just vomiting words onto a page, I want to be intentional with the words I choose to express.

So I'm excited to get back to writing ... and I'm excited for this year as well. New season filled with adventures, growth, and never knowing what to expect ... all sounds good to me!

wherever He calls me ...

Photos Creds: Johanna Love

I recently had a conversation with a friend about our current jobs. We both had graduated from college a few years ago, and both have struggled with where God has taken us since. You see, in college, we both had this fantasy of becoming missionaries; whether it was in Latin America, Africa, or wherever, we had this ideal life of where we would be once we left our alma mater. Sadly enough, reality slapped both of us really hard in the faces, and we had to find jobs that would help pay for our endless amount of school loans, gas money, and food on the table.

For so long, I struggled with this ideal lifestyle, of becoming a missionary overseas and really living out the Gospel there, that I ignored what He was doing in my life presently. I use to tell people, “Oh ya, He’s just preparing me right now during this season. And then I’ll live overseas in His own timing.” But over the years, I began to wonder, “Is my plan even His plan?”

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19: 21)

Have I been caught up with my own devised reality that I’ve sadly neglected the reality that God has set before me? Yes. And I feel we all tend to do this as well. I believe God instills in each of us a set of passions and desires that come from Him; and although they are all good, we tend to get lost in them rather than be fully present in what God is working in our lives currently.

For me, I struggled with this. Still struggle with this. Not being fully content of where I am, and always searching for escape from my reality to achieve a faux reality in which everything is what it should be. At least, what I think is what it should be. And because of this tension between the two realities that cannot coexist with each other, I’m constantly caught in limbo. That feeling where your heart is beating uncontrollably fast and your mind is filled with limitless thoughts that you convince yourself that you just might explode; yep, this happens quite too often for me.

As cheesy and cliché as it may sound, I am a missionary … now; and whether I’m in Costa Mesa or overseas, I continue to be a missionary … that never ceases. Every day is an opportunity; and if I don’t take that opportunity, it is wasted. I mean, if I can’t even live out the Gospel here at a place I call my home, how do I expect to do the same in a different country?

I have the opportunity to minister to my coworkers, the people I see more often than my friends. And to be honest, I tend to turn my back on them and treat them as just people I don’t need to spend my time with. I’d convince myself that “they’re just my coworkers.”  Over the past few years, I’ve had the most amazing, most honest, and difficult conversations with my coworkers, all of which I had the opportunity to share my heart and sharing God’s word. A coworker, now friend, shared with me how her and her husband prayed for the first time together and God revealed Himself to them for the first time.

When I had the opportunity to lead a team to Mozambique this past summer, my coworkers donated their money and art supplies because they wanted to help but never had an opportunity to do so before. We talk about miracles as if they only happened in the Bible or when we hear stories from people coming back from their mission trips. But these are the miracles I was able to witness because I chose to follow God’s heart, and His heart lead me to these people over the years.

Maybe it’s time for each us to do the same … to start listening and seeing what God is doing in our lives.

And who knows? Maybe becoming an overseas missionary is still in the works. Or maybe I’m called to be a missionary here, my home. Wherever He calls me to, I will follow Him.

set free

Confession: I can be a very judgmental person. My human nature is to seek justice only through my own eyes. I’ve become so comfortable in knowing that and, for the most part, I’ve allowed my actions dictate that poor attitude. But in the end, it’s God’s will be done, not ours. And we must live out the life He calls us too — whether we want to or not.

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual , sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.  (Romans 7: 14–15)

Although our human nature tells us to think this way, our true self, the self that God intends us to become, desires to be closer to God, to grow intimately with Him, and to seek out the desires of His heart. Easier said than done, don’t you think? But it’s the nature of the situation when we’re called to be the light of this word. To be a light we are called to live differently among our peers, not as a division of us being better than anyone else, but to call out our brothers and sisters out of darkness and into a life worth living. Because of the Holy Spirit, we receive/experience such beautiful love and grace from God. And we are also called to show the same love and grace that we received from Him to others.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh by according to the Spirit. (Romans 8: 1–4)

We are free in Christ … it doesn’t get any better than that! We need to be realistic about ourselves before we understand God; this was perfectly said by guest speaker Kathleen Doyle. To know the true heart of God, we must look at ourselves. We must focus inwardly in order to understand and perform outwardly. God knows we are broken, so He comes after us; it is how God deals with our lost nature. And though we are imperfect, we must welcome Him in our lives with open arms as He has done with us.

The Holy Spirit searches for us, intercedes for us, and He advocates for us. The Holy Spirit brings us life and sets us free. When I confess, I will be received by love and grace. It’s hard for us to grasp as human beings. We think in terms of us when we refer to how God sees the world. But he’s not like us, and we must see the world, the world He created, through His eyes. The love of God is beyond our comprehension.

He is worth it

“Is it safe?”

That’s one of the first questions most people ask me when I go on mission trips. And my usual response is, “Yes.” But lately, it’s a question that irks me the wrong way.

For the past six years, the Machava Center in Mozambique has been a huge part of my life. I was just 19 years old when I first stepped , and honestly I haven't left since. Each year I went, there was a new challenge every time, especially the past couple times I've gone. And each time, I felt and witnessed God in new ways that I hadn't experienced before. Prior to my trip this past summer, people came up and asked me, "Why do you keep going back to Mozambique?", "Are you going to live there soon?", and, my all-time favorite, "Isn't that where you were robbed ... is it safe?"

Living a missional life, whether you’re in the states or overseas, doesn't always look easy or safe. It requires a huge amount of time, sacrifice, and commitment. You invest everything you have in the ministry that God sets before. Following Jesus comes with a price. And although it’s a risk that we need to take, it’s a risk worth taking for the sake of His Kingdom.

We can’t predict what will happen to us. We can’t always trust to have an emergency plan whenever obstacles come our way. Because when we’re called to follow Jesus, we give ourselves to Him. All of it. We give up control of our own lives, and allow Him to take the reins and guide us in the direction He needs us to go. For most people, including myself at times, it’s a terrifying thought to relinquish all control, not knowing what the consequences are. How will I know if that’s where I’m supposed to be? Am I going to be safe? We start saying things like “I believe that God will protect us, BUT I still want to do this” or “God use me when I go to [insert country’s name], BUT I still be the same person here” to justify how we want to live our life. When we limit ourselves to only reaching out to the places we feel or think is safe, we limit God’s power to work in our lives and in the lives of those we come across. We consolidate Him into this box we created of who we think God is and what we think He is capable of.

This is what I continue to remind myself on a daily basis:

God is good, and He is worth it.

I can say that because of the trials I’ve gone through in my life … I can say that wholeheartedly knowing that there were times where I was in danger … Because this summer, I witnessed God’s sovereignty and felt His unconditional love pour over me. If the stories in the Bible don’t convince us that we serve an amazing God who is sovereign over EVERYTHING, than we’re missing the point; we then choose to live a life in fear of the unknown rather than praying to God asking Him how we can be better servants for His Kingdom.

The book of Acts has really challenged the way I’ve been living my life the past few years, specifically this past year of growth. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that as I am dealing with a lot of issues and questions in my life that my church is going through this series. To live a life knowing that there will be hardships as we draw near; to be a light in a world filled with darkness; to act in the same manner as the disciples showed us; and all that and more, knowing the repercussions that lie ahead (beating, robbery, death) — it’s faith that enables us to persevere through the troubles we face on a daily basis.

Reading about Paul’s ministry is such a great testimony. And what he wrote in his letter to the Church of Philippi is so true:

“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ — the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.” (Philippians 3:8–9, NIV)

Is He worth the risk? 

We gave over 60 beanies to the children, older kids, tias & tios, and even a couple of the vovos
who live at and near the center.

Some of the bravest brothers I've ever met. More shocks to them.

Zekka's laugh can easily bring a smile to your face.

My brother Feliciano preaching up a storm at Som Do Ceu.
Definitely a man of God. 

Olinda & Katia: These girls stole our hearts.

Pascoal was always good at making you laugh.

I've never heard or seen true examples of people following God's will than these two:
Jesse & Raquel

Praying with the kids at the school

Isabel & Cacilda:  Women who help out the missionaries in the center and take care of the children.

A family that never gave up hope when times were hard. God definitely has his hand over them.
(Eric, Cecilia, Jessezinho, Gigizinho, Felisberto)

Our last night with the kids ended in a water balloon/bucket/cup-throwing fight. 

Absolutely.