I’ll admit: It’s difficult to keep my focus on God when life gets rocky. I try to solve every problem placed in front of me with my own strength and will, almost to the point of exhaustion. I carry more than I can handle on a daily basis—all for a little satisfaction to get through each day. Sometimes I do pray to God (mainly when it’s the last resort), but oftentimes He doesn’t answer them right away or even answers them differently from what I had hoped for. You would think that by accepting Jesus into our lives, everything should be peachy keen, right? When I go through these unexpected struggles, it’s hard for me to understand what God is doing in my life; I get anxious, worrisome, and numb. I find myself crying out “Where are you God?!”
Monday, August 27, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
As I write this, I have to pause and think. I've been married for two years. That's half the time I've known Brian. Crazy and surreal...
It's been an amazing two years. Has it been perfect? No, but it definitely has been adventurous...discovering who we are and what role we play, realizing what marriage is (and continuing to learn more each day), and fighting battles, mentally, physically, and spiritually together. And through this adventure, we learn to rely on God more and more each day.
I married my best friend when I was 22. I was fresh out of college (eish). I barely started a job I disliked. And I had no idea how to be a wife. The first six months I struggled fitting into this new role, this new transition. I constantly found myself crying every week, because I wasn't the "perfect wife." I had certain expectations that I thought had to be filled. I was always comparing myself to other married couples. In the first six months, my biggest fear was letting Brian down. And with that fear overriding my life, my insecurities were far from hidden. I thought our marriage had to be perfect.
Through our imperfections, God reveals the true beauty of marriage. Being married is challenging and hard. But it's also amazing and full of laughs (or in my case, snorts). Each day you learn something new about the other person...and even yourself. You learn the real meaning of love when the other person says, "I'm sorry." It's about learning to live together and doing ministry together as one.
When I think about our marriage, I can't help but smile. I am one lucky girl.
To this day, people keep asking me, "How's married life?" Honestly, I don't know how to answer that. Most of the time, I just smile and reply, "It's great!" But even that response doesn't embody how I feel about married life. It's a whirlwind of emotions; obviously the good ones weighs over the bad. But how do you explain to someone in a few minutes (or even seconds) how married life is? The only thing I can think of is this:
I love being married.
I love living life with my best friend.
And when we allow God to be the center of our marriage, we see Him working in our lives in ways beyond our own strengths.
Happy Two Year Anniversary my love :) Can't wait to celebrate more!