two months away

Brian & I have the opportunity to go on a journey with this amazing group of people. Expectations were shattered, obstacles were overcome, and we grew together. We're an interesting bunch. Different personalities, different walks of life, just different. And I like that. 

Prior to our first official meeting back in January, I was anxious. I was so nervous meeting our team. Feeling overwhelmed by my emotions, I realized two things. One, being nervous was a good thing. It showed that I really cared about our team and I wanted to make a good impression. And two, God is going to lead.

Being to Mozambique three times, I knew what we were going to do as a team for the most part. Obviously there's lots (and lots) of flexibility when you're on the mission field; nothing can prepare you for the unexpected. In fact, it's during those times I find myself relying on God more than anything. So, I wasn't really nervous about that. But it is my first time leading an overseas mission team. And leading a group with my husband. I've stepped into leadership roles in the past. And I've also co-lead teams and groups. 

But leading with my husband? 

We're leaders in similar ways, but also different in other ways. We're laid back; we try not to dominate conversations and allow the team think of ideas. He likes to prep what we're going to say before our meetings; I like to write out frivolous two-page notes of what we're going to go over. He has more of a natural flow with his thoughts; I have index cards & post its (for days). I'm good at remembering details; he has me to remember details. It's been a process learning how to lead a team together, but we make it work. And when things didn't go our way, we learned to shake it off and to keep going. 

Learning to let go of my expectations was hard. Really hard. I wanted to make this trip, this journey about God, but often found myself stuck in my fantasy of how things should run, what is to be expected from everyone, and how a leader should be. It was a constant battle, and often times felt spiritually attacked; but I knew God placed us in this position for a reason. Each time we met and/or hung out as a team, it became clearer that He chose each of us for this team specifically. So I learned to let go, learned to take a deep breath every now & then, and learned to just sit in the moment and be present with my team. 

When we found out we were leading back in October, July seemed like an eternity. But now as we have our final meeting today, these two months are going to go by quick. As I type this, my heart is overflowing with so much happiness and joy. I hardly ever cry; False: I'm a crybaby, but only in the confines of my home (and baptisms). When I look at pictures from the past and present, talk about Mozambique memories with friends, or, even worse, dream about sipping some hot cha and eating fresh pao with the crianças in the refettorio, tears emerge and I have to hold myself together before I become the sob monster.

I can't wait to go back home to Mozambique. 

Of course, Brian & I made similar faces.

Moçambique, we're coming for you!